ME
Pearlyn Chow, a loner away from home
cannot do without my ipod, mobile, wallet, keys, packets of TISSUE PAPER
<s
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
every time when i do a certain thing or should i refer that as an action..this particular thought wikll always cross my mind ''this is going to be the last time i will do this...or this will be the last time i am going to look at the scene..scenary..this sky..'' Like the last time i went to the bank to change my account..inside me was like '' oh my..pearlyn chow this is the last time u will be visiting commonwealth..and everytime when i have to walk to school ..i keep thinking this will be the few times that i will be walking this underground or this will be the last few times that i will be sitting here waiting for the shuttle bus..
in 2002 june,2003 i cried cause i kept thinking of all the things i have done in sg and that i wouldnt be able to do them anytime soon..knowing how much i dislike melbourne...never would i imagine myself sitting here crying thinking of the things that i wouldnt be able to do or see forever.. actually since last year that i kinda treated it as last sem..i was already feeling sad and having this thought appearing..no tears...but not as deep as this year 2006..depressed..sad..i really can feel the words now..tears overflow when the date draws nearer..maybe i am 100% sure that i wouldnt ever be doing the same things .. facing the same people ..looking at the same scene..oh gosh..this is killing from inside..with my well-known bloody sense of belonging being so strong..people who knows me with this sense of belonging thingy would kinda understand how i am feeling right now..
everytime i talk to people about this 'case'..i would try not to mention the 'people' part..cause its the well-known hardest to part with..to get through this hardcore period..alot of people have been there to help..no no...i should say..i have met alot of people here..all of them contributed abit here and there..but there are a few that walk me through the years..every year a different person..from carnegie to glen huntly to clayton..from college to university..from kumon.. many of them i am grateful to.. some of them may not know that they have affected me in ways..but they have...
this is the place where i really have grown up, changed and learn alot from.. ups and downs...headaches and heartaches..all along dependent on family members..only place where i have to do things my own..decide for myself.. i think i have changed most is ability to talk to strangers..i used to dislike or scared to talk to stangers like shop assistants or reception..bcos the situation that i am in ..i have to talk to whoever..i also get along faster with aquaintances..i have a phobia of talking to people that i dont know..i am just like mum..now i am able to talk alittle more freely..independence wise...?? not too much la..afterall i am quite independent when younger..parents gave me the freedom to do what i like..freedom?? same lor..as in in sg or in melb..thou alot of people love the freedom when they stay abroad..to me..indifferent.. oh...i learning to appreciate people more.. especially my family members..althou i dont tend to show it out..but i would start thinking my dad does this and that for me ..my mum..aunty julie..
now living with my aunty..i also kinda appreciate her like in the past it would be like..u treating me so badly..i am not here to take this shit from u..more stubborn and childish..but now i would think..oh..thanks for doing this for me..i realised that u are tolerating much of me ..all those stuff..i wouldnt complain and expect as much as i did in the past..i dont know if its bcos of me being in aust that i have came to learn and realised all this stuff..or it just comes with the age...from 19 to 22..quite a huge difference..or maybe if not for me coming over here ..life would be routined in sg and i wouldnt notice all this things that are meant to be learnt..this is more of a philosophical question..shall not probe into that..
I WROTE AT 17:56
