Thursday, October 16, 2003
"If u need more love from someone... do love that someone more first..."
> "Love don't need to be pretentious. Express it!!"
>
>Tree
>===
>
>The reason people call me "Tree" is because I'm good at painting trees.
>Overtime I started to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for
>all my watercolors painting. I had dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There's
>one gal who I love a lot but never dare to go after. She doesn't have a
>pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, and doesn't have outstanding charm.
>She is just a very ordinary gal.
>
>I like her. I really like her. I like her innocent, like her frankness. I
>like her cuteness, I like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not
>going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a
>good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good
>feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt
>that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up
>everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3
>years. She watched me chase after gals, and I have made her heart cries for
>3 years.
>
>She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I
>kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled
>& say, "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like
>a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but
>laugh at her the whole day. When everybody went back home, she was alone
>crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer
>training to get something. I watched her cry for an hour or so.
>
>My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them
>quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will
>start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at
>her and her eyes were filled with shocking sad tears. I didn't care about her
>feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laugh &
>joke with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but
>she didn't know that my heartache is as bad as hers. I was hurt too.
>
>When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for
>a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that
>coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break
>up and she told me about her getting together. I know who's the guy. He has
>been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy, full of energy, is
>lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.
>
>I can't show her my heartache but could only smile & congratulate her. When
>I reach home, the heartache is so strong that I can't stand it. It's like a
>heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but
>can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen
>her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too?
>
>During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I
>broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says, "Leaf departure
>is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"
>
>
>Leaf
>===
>
>During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a
>leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of
>courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy.
>Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt
>a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart
>can't be described by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon.
>Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When
>they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a month, he
>got together with another gal.
>
>I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves
>me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new
>girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin
>to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he doesnt like me, why does he
>treat me so well? It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking
>a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his
>feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask
>him right?
>
>Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him,
>and love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like
>waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know
>that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I
>waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want
>to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and
>hurt, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.
>
>Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me.
>Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in
>time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my
>heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the
>tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small
>footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave
>far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile &
>didn't ask me to stay.
>
>Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to
>stay
>
>
>Wind
>====
>
>Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I
>have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met
>her, it was 1 month after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite
>person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will
>always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him.
>When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her,
>there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she
>likes to look at him.
>
>One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the
>feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as
>well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her.
>Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual
>place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note &
>gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note.
>The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left.
>
>Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away It's not that
>leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree
>
>I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me
>& accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not
>me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me.
>Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times.
>Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I
>decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her
>over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her.
>Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.
>Hoping that she will agree to me my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from
>her over the phone. I asked, "What are you doing? How come you didn't want
>to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my
>ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly
>changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her doorbell. During
>the moment when she opens the door, I hugged her tightly.
>
>Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to
>stay
>
>
I WROTE AT 17:44
